With the recent passings of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade people have been asking my opinion about their suicides. My heart breaks for anyone who faces the challenges of depression, anxiety, or any other mental disorder and especially those who choose the path of suicide.
It has been reported that there are 3,000 suicides each day globally and more than 123 per day in the United States alone. I know very little about Kate Spade and only a little more about Anthony Bourdain but what I had seen of him, I really enjoyed his perspective on life and the world we live in. I hope for both of these individuals that they have found peace and that instead of tarnishing their legacy and accomplishments I hope this actually brightens their legacy by helping shine a light on the subject.
We see these people who appear to “have it all” and have it all together such as Anthony, Kate, and Robin Williams and we are completely lost and confused when they intentionally take their own lives.
I’ve heard reflections of shock and some judgments bashing the memory of those who see suicide as their only hope, and that saddens me deeply. While we are told many fallacies about disorders such as depression, the pain of living with it day in and day out is real. The pain I went through when dealing with depression and other mental disorders in my own life was far greater than the sum of all the physical injuries I’ve ever endured.
When someone commits suicide I’m often asked “How could they be so selfish?” or “How could they be so cowardly?” and, with an awareness that this could really trigger some people, I want to attempt to explain and I can only do so from my own experiences.
As someone who was suicidal for years and attempted it a few times, I can say that while I was in those states I most certainly was thinking of my loved ones. There are all these ideas around, such as suicide is the person being selfish and not thinking about anyone else, and I beg to differ. In my experience, and even in others’ I’ve talked to and worked with who went through their own struggles, the general thoughts running through the person’s head in those darkest moments are often more along the lines of “I’m such a burden on my family and the world and they deserve a better life, a life without me.” In their mind, the pain of their demise is far less than the pain they believe they are causing by existing.
I tear up as I write this because I’ve found that being the case with so many and I’ve had that thought many times in my past, and now, being on this side with the experiences and knowledge I have acquired in my journey, it hurts my heart to know that even though it’s completely untrue, in their minds, in those moments, it’s the truest statement they’ve ever known.
The pain they are facing inside convinces them in a devilish disguise that they are such a burden on their loved ones that they are being selfish by staying alive. I obviously can’t know for a fact if this was the case with Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain or Robbin Williams or anyone else who has committed suicide as I’m not a mindreader, I can only go off of my personal experience and the stories I’ve heard from so many others I’ve talked to and worked with.
“Don’t judge someone’s story based on the chapter you’ve walked into.”
Please never judge someone who is going through a struggle of any kind. We don’t know the “behind the scenes” journey that has come before. Instead of judging, send love and a kind word, you have no clue how much it can help; it could literally save a life as it did mine.
If you are struggling with any mental disorders, please get help. There are so many more options than you know of and while all medicine has its place, it’s only a temporary alleviation of symptoms and a “band-aid” solution with no long-term cure. My mission is to spread awareness and let as many people know that there are in fact effective and powerful and absolutely natural and pain-free cures for depression, phobias, PTSD, and so much more that require nothing more than a commitment to the process and a loving guide in the form of a coach or mentor to help along the way. To anyone reading this, whether you are struggling or not, I send you love and wish for you all the happiness and success the world has to offer.